Incep prin a va spune ca, dintr-un anumit punct de vedere in care omul este privit din perspectiva psiho-biologica, exista trei modele de invatare a comportamentelor:
- Opozitie la model
In cazul imitatiei, copilul invata modeland implicit parintele. In cel de-al doilea model de invatare copilul refuza sa modeleze parintele, alegand din mai multe considerente exact modelul contrar. Despre ceea ce acum numesc considerente vom vorbi intr-un alt context. Invatarea prin supravietuire presupune de regula un model propriu in scopul deja prezentat, supravietuirea apare de regula in situatia in care copilul nu gaseste un model in parinti (de regula acestia lipsesc de langa copil) si nici in randul oamenilor care sunt in jurul lui.
Pentru ca va recomand un exercitiu, ma adresez parintilor care au copii si pentru ca, in aceasta situatie, regula este ca se produce modelarea implicita a parintelui adica se replica modelul parintelui in ceea ce priveste comportamentul acestuia in detaliu aproape cu toate strategiile pe care maturii le folosesc.
Acest comportament nu este propriu copilului astfel ca in adolescenta sau ca tanar adult si/sau la maturitate se vor trezi cu valori, criterii, comportament si mai grav, convingeri limitative care nu sunt ale lor ci ale adultilor din copilarie.
O situatie presupune sa fim atenti ce transmitem copiilor nostri si nu ma refer la cuvinte ci la ceea ce manifestam ca si comportament si/sau abilitatii /obiceiuri in prezenta lor.
Sa fim atenti, nu este suficient !
Sa ne punem o masca nu este o solutie, dimpotriva. De altfel daca verbal transmitem o informatie, de exemplu sunt bucuroasa, iar paraverbal alta, am necazuri la serviciu, copilul isi va pierde increderea in apropiati, parinti si ar putea migra catre modelul II de invatare, chiar si modelul III.
Vestea buna: puteti folosi aceasta informatie. Vestea si mai buna, comportamentele pot fi imbunatatite, slefuite, schimbate etc.
Observati-va copiii, sunt oglinzi comportamentale foarte subtile!
Identificati comportamentele (nedorite si deosebite in sensul bun al cuvantului) copilului/copiilor o saptamana.
Scrieti-le intr-un jurnal in functie de mediu: acasa, unde anume acasa (bucatarie, camera lui etc. ), cu cine acasa (mama, tata, bunici, bone , prieteni etc.) cum, in ce fel, cat de des, care este comportamentul inainte de cel nedorit, ce comportament exista dupa.
La gradinita, unde la gradinita, in care sala, fata de ce situatie si comportament si in prezenta caror persoane, cadre didactice si colegi, cum se manifesta, in ce fel, cat de des. Care este comportamentul inainte de cel nedorit, ce comportament exista dupa (puteti cere detalii cadrelor didactice. Faceti-o insa voalat aratati-va curiozitatea si nu procedati la interogatorii.
Identificati comportamentele in ceea ce va priveste in acelasi fel in toate situatiile pe care le-am raportat la mediu serviciu, hobyuri, prieteni, anturaj si acasa.
Aici nu avem de-a face doar cu cele nedorite ci toate semificative.
Rugati partenerul sa faca acelasi lucru –o lupa in privinta comportamentelor. Notati cele spuse in jurnal.
Faceti analiza contrastiva cu sinceritate, identificati daca un comportament al copilului este modelat dupa dumneavoastra sau partener. Un comportament poate fi partial modelat.
Daca exista si alte persoane in viata copilului ar trebui incluse in acest “program saptamanal”.
Stiti ce aveti de facut, recunoasteti aceste comportamente si schimbati-le daca nu sunt agreabile. Manifestati-le mai des pe cele ce aduc bucurie, fericire, multumire, intelegere .
Schimband comportamente, schimbam si construim alte obiceiuri. Avand obiceiuri noi si adecvate evoluam in personalitati puternice.
Cum schimbam? Simplu, faceti altfel!
Daca ceva nu merge, faceti altceva!
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